Learning Boundaries

"You have chlamydia."

The nurse calmly told me over the phone, as if she ended the call with, "Have a great day!" I was a few months out of college, getting ready for my "big girl job," and there was no way that my adult-self caught an STI. I couldn't spell chlamydia before that phone call. I thought that I was being safe—overly cautious even. I tested before, during, and after new partners. I even tested when I wasn't sexually active.

Turns out, I was being safe, but what I didn't know was that my partner wasn't. The first time we had sex without a condom, I felt so bad. I knew it was a mistake, but I also did not express that I did not feel safe without one. All is fair in ambiguous relationships, because he also didn't express to me what unprotected sex meant for him. For me, it was an indicator that we were only having sex with one another. And so, unprotected sex continued to happen when we "forgot" or when we were in the heat of the moment.

Once I heard the news, though, the day became a blur. I contemplated how to tell him. I learned that most STIs are asymptomatic. Great. The questions kept coming and so did the Google searches. I told my partner over text because he was out of town. I gave him my results from before we started having sex and the results now. It was clear that I contracted it from him—he was the only person I had been with. He was in shock but revealed that a drunken night had led to unprotected sex with someone else— information that I wasn't privy to before my results.

I felt just as responsible for this because I know how to practice safe sex, I just needed to learn how to express boundaries and communicate what I'm comfortable with when sharing my body with someone else. When it comes to your health, assumptions about unprotected sex, checkups, and other sexual partners cannot be left unsaid—your life depends on it.

Age: 26